o'cockaigne

January 6, 2015, an extreme black day for O ' Cockaigne; I have had to take the inevitable decision to make Calhoun sleep.

    It started sometime in October; Calhoun coughed so very occasionally and of course the alarm bells were ringing. The first place where metastases of bone cancer emerge is in the lungs. So we made an appointment for October 30th in Terneuzen with Johan de Vos. On the long photographs that were made then no metastases can be seen but a strange white spot above Calhoun's heart, between the bronchi. The week on it was the opportunity to make an ultrasound to see what exactly that was. It was hard to see but the diagnosis was; Heart base tumor. There is still no official treatment for this, but the oncologists have already achieved very good results with certain drugs. So I went loaded with a cooler and a bag of medicine out the door. After three days Calhoun got high fever. One of the drugs could cause this but after I had stopped for quite some time, and with everything actually, the fever continued to flare up. All kinds of antibiotics have been passed. In the end Calhoun responded the best to Xeden or Marbocyl and Prednoral. Meanwhile, Calhoun lost his appetite and therefore his energy resulting in muscle decrease. Of the nearly 50 kilos he used to weigh, he now weighed only 38. There were also all kinds of blood tests, including heart worm and Pancreatitis to explain the fever. On 21 November another echo made his belly to see if the pancreas looked abnormal. Absolutely not so. Also all the other bodies looked good. Then Calhoun was again a fever-free period and started again with the chemo in pill form and other medications against his heart tumor. Three days later, Calhoun again had a fever stopped with the medicines. We then decided to make a CT scan on December 15. After a long study the conclusion was drawn that it was not a heart base tumor but a cancerous lymph node. This pressed his esophagus partially close and also in his small left lung lobe was a small scoop to be seen. After a long reflection, a lot of thinking and contemplation, we decided to let Calhoun operate in Ghent. The surgeon, Bart van, is very skilled in this type of operation and he gave Calhoun a decent chance to survive. Unfortunately, Christmas and New Years were at the door, so the operation was scheduled for January 6, 2015. And this was just too late. Meanwhile, Calhoun deteriorated. He stood on nierdieet in canned feed form supplemented with white bread and spaghetti, at least this was almost liquid so that he could put it into the slob. But after a week he had to eat smaller bites and had to go slower to avoid accumulation in the esophagus. When he drank and kept his head too low, the water ran out of his beak again. He regularly felt troubled by fever attacks and had no more fut to walk. Because of this he became increasingly slacker. Sometimes he had good days and he walked another round but then he was also ready for the rest of the day. With old and new we have still fled to France to avoid the fireworks, there he could not stop at all. Luckily he had a fever-free period and felt pretty good. He liked it, a new environment, new pieces for walking but his bad condition prevented nice, big walks. 6 January, early morning, for me and Calhoun far too early, in the car and towards Ghent. Fortunately, not too much delays on the way because I was already stressed enough. When I arrived I asked if it was not wise to make a CT scan first to see if a lot has changed. Unfortunately, there was no possibility, only the next day but then the surgeon could not wait and another week could not. After consultation nevertheless decided to operate. We had agreed that if it went well and the tumors could be well removed, one of the assistants would tell me but it was a ' mission impossible ' then Bart would come to say it. After two hours of waiting I saw Bart appear…. Unfortunately, in those three weeks, the tumour had grown in such a way that it fell heavily against it. He had grown over a length of 20 centimetres around the esophagus and also partially in it, and he also pressed the esophagus close to the mouth and had grown into the right lung. It was no longer possible to remove all of this. Yes, and then you can not do anything but give permission to make Calhoun sleep.     I have waited heavily for the Calhoun to take home again, after a small hour he was back in the car. When we drove there, a cat crossed, I still said; "Look, Calhoun, a cat!" but his beloved head did not appear next to me.